Pinterest problems

Tara's pinning? I rarely ever see pins from her, said no one ever.

But I came across a lovely thought just now - I was trying to find a pin of a beautiful winter scene that I had just saw, but then I came across another one to die for. So naturally had to pin that one. And after I pin one thing, the computer I'm on automatically takes me back to the freshest page. And I lost my winter pin :( Such is a dilemma I've grown accustomed to with my pinterest addiction :)

Blah, blah, blah.... my point.

It happens to go a little something like this:

If you keep telling the same sad, small story, you will keep living the same sad, small life.

Jean Houston, by God, I think you've struck on something!

I read it, pinned it... and then had a mental DUH! moment. Couldn't be truer! Is truer a word? Like... an adult word? Anyways - I've had struggles with breaking free of my sad, small story from my past. I felt the need to tell anyone I met what my history was so that they could understand why I was at the place I was when they met me. I was ashamed. Maybe it was even a defense mechanism for myself.... to help me be able to cope with where I had ended up. And everytime I told the story, I relived it. The hurt, the pain, and the shame. Never understanding that in retelling it... it was keeping me bound to it.

So when I read this quote, it hit me. Start telling a new story, Tara. Start telling the story that you want people to hear and know about... I can tell whatever story I want. I have to be the one to put my old, sad, small story away. But in letting that part of life go, how do you still not forget what it taught you and how it's changed you for the better? Maybe you can never truly 'forget' something. Not forget, but put away, rather. Maybe we wake up every day with every single thing that has ever happened to us, good and bad, and walk this life with those marks. I suppose we do. They shape us and our thoughts, opinions. They will effect every situation, action we ever do because they formed the person we are today. How do you really let go of that? It's almost like it's an old friend. They were there with you through the low points. Many times it was just you and them. You grew close to that feeling, action, situation even if in an unhealthy moment, because you felt alone to the outside world.

In an odd way, to me, it does feel a little like telling an old friend goodbye. Warped? Yes, probably a little. Hell, maybe a lot! Or maybe that old friend is me. That torn version of me that I felt so badly for. I feel bad for her, because she isn't strong enough alone, and I don't want to leave her. I mean, let's be honest, I used to tell my clothes sorry that I chose another outfit over them that day, and that I'd wear them tomorrow. If I can't let cotton hang in a closet....

I'll still be telling a new story. I'll just be trying to figure out where my old friend belongs at the same time.